Little Moments
by Johanna-002
Summary: Snapshots of encounters between Red and Nicky.
1. Vegetables

**Title:** Little Moments

 **Summary:** Snapshots of encounters between Red and Nicky.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own OITNB or any of its characters. They belong to Jenji Kohen, I do however, own my writing so please don't steal- Johanna002©

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-01-

"I find you incredibly annoying."

"Nah," Nicky popped a grape into her mouth and cringed at the sour taste that washed over her taste buds. "These suck!" She spit the remnants into her palm.

Red glared at her disapprovingly. "Must you be such a savage?"

"Savage?" Nicky tested the word on her tongue as she flicked her wrist, sending the grape flying into the trashcan next to her. She wiped her hand down the side of her pants. "What do you mean?"

Blue eyes rolled and Red mumbled under her breath, "Nothing." She returned her attention to the carrots laid out in front of her. She cut into them with pure focus, and the steady cadence of the knife knocking against cutting board worked as a soothing and rhythmic stress reliever.

Losing herself in her task, Red had almost forgotten Nicky was still around- almost. It wasn't until she felt a weight pressing against her back and a bony chin digging into her shoulder that she remembered.

"What'er you doing?" Nicky's New York influenced accent rang loudly in her ears. "What's for dinner?"

Red shrugged, more in an attempt to dislodge her shoulder from under Nicky's chin. "I don't know yet."

Nicky sighed, laying her head against her shoulder. "I'm hungry."

"You're spoiled."

Shrugging, Nicky closed her eyes. "You smell like raw vegetables."

Red's brows furrowed in response. Peaking a glance over at Nicky she was met with the sight of wild locks. "You're such a sweet talker, truly, I see why the women find you irresistible." She mumbled, more than a little annoyed. Rolling her eyes, she fought the urge to sigh and shrugged her shoulders again, pushing Nicky off of her. "Go find something to do." She commanded, with a dismissive nod of her head.

"What?" Nicky shrieked, sounding wounded. She wrapped her arms around Red's shoulders, and pressed her face close so that they were cheek to cheek. Nicky chuckled at the growl of irritation that sounded from deep in Red's throat. She found the act of irritating her mother more enjoyable than she probably should have. "Ma," She whined playfully, "Why do you want me to leave? You love when I help you cook."

"Help?" Red questioned with a smile. "Ha!"

Pulling back, Nicky moved over to Red's left side and leaned heavily against the counter. Propping her head up on her hand she watched as her mother skillfully mastered the art of chopping up vegetables. "Mom," she said gently, knocking Red's elbow with her shoulders.

"What Nicky?" Red cast a quick glance of warning down in her direction. Nicky's childish antics took her back to the days when her sons were young, playing at her feet, lovingly harassing her in the same manner her girl was doing now.

Nicky stole a carrot from the cutting board, nearly missing the blade of Red's knife as she did so. Quickly chomping down a large bite from the vegetable, she smiled innocently. "I really, really love you!" She kissed her cheek quickly and scurried out of the kitchen.

"You can't kill her, Red" The Russian whispered to herself through gritted teeth. "You love her. You can't kill her."


	2. Little Girl, Big Mouth

-02-

 _A/N: Another take on Red and Nicky's first encounter._

When I had first arrived at Litchfield I had been scared out of my wits. I had also been high. The self-induced, euphoric feeling had quickly faded away when I had been escorted into an exam room and ordered to strip. Like a rag doll, I was poked, prodded and pushed around. It was completely humiliating.

Dressing in a pair of bright orange looking scrubs, I cringed at the stale body odor that still lingered in the material. "When was the last time this shit was washed?" I asked. My tone was clipped in annoyance as my fingers gripped the waistband of my pants, pulling at the elastic and popping it against my hip. I could only imagine what Marka would think- seeing me here, in this. The relationship I had with my mother had been strained for some time and by the looks of my current situation, I held little to no hope that things would improve between us.

Wanda Bell, the corrections officer, huffed in annoyance and spat, "You've got some fucked up priorities there, Nichols." She eyed me disappointingly and then snapped her fingers quickly as if it were some accelerant that would encourage me to pick up the pace. "Move it, inmate, we don't have all day." She growled, roughing bumping into me from behind.

"You want to hook up with me all you have to do is ask, sweetheart." I joked, eyes quickly scanning the length of her body as I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth. She wasn't exactly my taste, but I got great pleasure from the look of discomfort that immediately colored her pale and lifeless features.

She quickly jerked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes at me in warning. "Watch yourself, Nichols. You don't want me as an enemy."

"Not sure I want you as a friend either," I mumbled under my breath. Pulling at the hem of my shirt, I tried to ignore how uncomfortable I felt in the standard issued uniform. I hadn't exactly loved the high life I had been born into, but I don't think anyone would have necessarily blamed me for wishing I had indulged in its luxuries when I had, had the chance.

I was a trust fund baby who had little to no regard for what it meant to work hard. At least, that's what my mother always told me. Truth be told, I never gave a damn about the money. It never did anything for me besides inflict misery and pain. My mother had been absent for most of my life and while that was certainly not a good enough excuse to ruin my life and poison myself with drugs, it was the only one I had.

She always told me I would have to take responsibility for my own actions, and to an extent, I don't disagree with her. I, however, am just curious to know when she'll take responsibility for the damage she has done- for the parts of me she is responsible for breaking.

"Keep going," Bell directed me down the hall. I surprisingly had kept my mouth shut for the majority of the journey. She shuffled me into a room with two other women and I immediately crossed my arms over my chest in what I hoped was an intimidating stance. "DeMarco, Ms. Rosa," She called to the two older women who were completely uninterested in our sudden presence. "Your new bunkie, Ms. Nichols. Fair warning she's got a mouth on her, so you should all get along just fine."

DeMarco shook her head in amusement and rolled her eyes. "I hate that stupid bitch."

"You're not the only one." I chimed back, leaning heavily against the metal locker that was behind me. "Her sense of humor is as dry as my sex life." I pushed my curly hair back and out of my face and huffed in frustration. Glancing toward my new roommates I sized them up, silently watching them. They didn't seem all that threatening and I was curious to enquire what exactly a bunch of old broads like them were doing in a place like this.

Ms. Rosa groaned loudly as she swung her legs over to sit on the side of the bed. She looked at me tiredly and I felt a small smile tug at the corner of my lips as I inclined my head in sympathy. "Need help?" I wasn't the greatest person in the world, but I definitely wasn't the worst.

"Fuck you," She rasped, pulling herself up from the lower bunk.

I couldn't help but laugh. Honesty was always the best policy. Besides, I reprimanded myself, shouldn't get in the habit of just offering my help to anyone. Even if it was cancer ridden old ladies.

"Where you from, Kid?" DeMarco asked, rifling through her belongings.

I shrugged. I was still trying to figure that one out myself. "Around. Here, there."

"You don't look like a street kid."

I turned my head at the unfamiliar voice and squared my shoulders defensively. The woman in the doorway was roughly the same age as DeMarco and Ms. Rosa. She had a thick Russian accent, spiky red hair and the most intense eye makeup I had ever seen- well, if you don't count the drag queens at a show I had gone to once.

"Who's the new girl?" She asked, gesturing toward me with a nod of her head.

Ms. Rosa signaled for her to enter. "That's Nichols." She gestured to the older woman and said, "This is Red, she runs the kitchen."

Red sized me up just as intently as I had done her. Finally, I relented, and my posture dropped in a sign of acceptance, there was no way I would have any advantage over her. I watched her cautiously, as she made her way into the room, and she seemed quite proud of herself. Quickly she engaged in conversation with the two other women and I feel to the background. I continued to study her and couldn't help but smile, she was definitely a character.

"Take her, Red," DeMarco ordered with a wave of her hand, gesturing to me. "She needs some guidance, someone to keep her smart mouth in line."

I chuckled and winked. "Come on DeMarco, don't tell me you're tired of me already. I just got here."

"Red here likes taking in strays," DeMarco stated matter-of-factly. "She'll keep you in line, encourage you to stay out of trouble. I think she'll be good for you."

"I come in here to collect payment and you saddle me with another child?" Red questioned, lips turned up in amusement. She turned slightly and stared at me intently. I shifted uncomfortably under her gaze and averted my eyes down to my feet. "All right kid," She relented, her tone much softer than it had been. "I guess you're with me."

"Well don't sound so thrilled," I joked, jumping down from the locker.

Red help out a hand, silently ordering me to walk. She followed behind me and sped up her pace just enough to walk next to me, shoulder to shoulder. "You have any kitchen experience? Maybe I can get you assigned in there with me."

Shaking my head, I couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of her question."I burnt water once," I recalled, the memory not a very fond one. "I don't think working in the kitchen would be the wisest decision."

"Probably not," She agreed. "Word around here is they're short in electrical, however, I fear you may electrocute yourself, and with this rats nest of yours," she trailed off. Her hand came up and tugged playfully at the ends of my hair and she shook her head in amusement.

I batted her hand away and rolled my eyes. "You want to talk about hair? What's up with the dye job?"

"Little Girl, Big Mouth," She growled, hand coming up to self-consciously run through her short locks. "You're awfully bold for being so new."

"Yea, well," I shrugged, relieved that I hadn't seriously offended her. "It keeps things interesting, don't you think?"

Red nodded. "Agreed," She almost whispered. "I think you and I will get along just fine, Nichols." She bumped me gently with her shoulder and I smiled back, content to follow alongside her.


	3. Ma

-03-

Nicky pulled her coat around her tightly and sighed. She watched as her breath left her in a long line and she smiled at the child like ways of her imagination. Keeping her innocence tucked away, this side of herself was not one that she explored often. As a child, her ability to imagine and dream had been her only source of solace. It had been the only way in which she knew how to comfort herself.

 _"If we don't dream, we die."_

She inhaled another large breath before exhaling it slowly. So engrossed in the o-shaped rings that appeared in front of her, she hadn't heard the door open; she didn't even hear Red call her name, and so when the older woman took a seat next to her on the porch she couldn't help but nearly jump out of her skin in fright.

"Damn it Red!" She huffed in frustration. "What the hell is the matter with you, huh? Sneaking up on me like that. You know I have a bad heart."

"Sorry-"

Unamused, Nicky waved away her apology. "You're worse than Norma, you know that?"

Red hit her shoulder with her own and shook her head in amusement. She wrapped one arm through Nicky's and pulled her close to her side. "What's wrong, huh?" She asked quietly, resting her chin on her shoulder.

"What do you mean?" Nicky asked. She leaned further into her mother's warmth, her head resting against her own. Nicky tried to keep her facial expressions neutral as hums of approval vibrated through Red's body. It made her heart soar to know she wasn't the only one who enjoyed their physical closeness as much as their emotional.

Scoffing, eyebrow rose in challenge, Red rolled her eyes. "What do I mean? I mean it's freezing cold and you're sitting outside like an idiot." She took Nicky's gloved hands in her own and rubbed them together in an attempt to generate more heat. She didn't miss Nicky's girlish smile and it only spurred her on further. "Let's go back inside," she suggested, her voice leaving her in a soft whisper.

"I'm good out here Red." Nicky smiled softly. "You can go back in. Enjoy your family." Her words held no tension or sadness. She was in a good place- a great place, actually. Red contemplated her words. Your family. It wasn't just her family. It was their family.

Gripping Nicky's hand more tightly, her fingernails embedding into her skin even through the fabric of their gloves, she waited until she had her attention. "I hate when you call me that." At Nicky's look of confusion she rolled her eyes. "I'm your mother." She cut Nicky a glare, daring her to protest before continuing, "No more of this Red nonsense." Squeezing tightly to Nicky's hand she pulled her impossibly closer, kissing her temple gently.

Nodding in understanding, Nicky quickly apologized. _Ma_. What had simply started out as a single term of endearment, now held so much meaning. Motherhood had been a role Red had stepped into willingly and proudly. Becoming Nicky's mother meant much more to her than just being recognized by name. It was an honor, a privilege, and one she didn't take lightly.

"Ma" Nicky said the name slowly. Her heart fluttered at the smile on Red's lips and she turned her head just enough so that she could kiss her cheek. No one had earned the title more than she did.

Shaking her head, Nicky rolled her eyes as her mother pleaded with her once more to go inside. "Only if you make me hot chocolate."

"Fine," Red conceded with a nod of her head. "Whatever you want."

Nicky helped her to her feet and pushed the door open for her. "And an oatmeal pie."


	4. Mother's Day

_A/N: nofearonlylove, this is for you since it's been a while that I gifted anything to you personally. I know you were anticipating for me to rip your heart out and all, but I just went with the flow and voila!_

 _Takes place during the Mother's Day episode (03x01). My slight spin on things since we were kind of denied (IMO) an R/N reunion- especially since Nicky had been so worried about her. Enjoy!_

-03-

"Red," Nicky greeted warmly, her hand coming to rest on the older woman's shoulder. She pulled her close, smiling gently as she felt Red's head come to lay against her side. It wasn't often that Red dropped her guard so easily and accepted affection. "I didn't realize you were back." She leaned down to press a quick kiss to her forehead and then took a seat next to her at the library table. "Happy Mother's Day."

"Thank you," Red smiled at her tightly, her left hand coming to rest on the younger woman's thigh.

Nicky frowned. "Are you okay?" She asked, hand coming up to push the strands of red hair out of her mother's face. She winced at the lacerations that adorned her forehead. "Does your head hurt?" She asked, "Do you want me to go with you to get some Tylenol or something?"

Red shook head no. "I'm okay, Nicky. Thank you."

"You sure?"

Waving away her concern, she squeezed Nicky's knee affectionately. "Just a lot on my mind," she hoped that would be enough of an explanation to quell the young woman's concern. Biting back a sigh and withdrawing her hand from Nicky's leg she ran her fingers through her hair tiredly.

Today had been the absolute worst day of her entire life. On the rare occasion that her entire family had made it down to visit, they decided to drop the biggest bombshell on her- her beloved shop was gone. To make matters worse, they hadn't even said anything. It was their fucking silence that had given them away; looking back and forth between each other like a couple of retarded eggplants.

"Did your sons not come to see you?" Nicky asked gently, hoping to distract Red with something positive. A moment of silence passed and Nicky felt her face heating up in irritation. Had her sons not made the trip to see their mother? Was that why Red was so upset? Before she realized what she was doing, Nicky wrapped her arm through Red's, her hand finding hers and giving it a gentle squeeze.

Leaning her head against Nicky's, Red smiled at the gesture. "They did," she reassured. She could feel the tension in Nicky's body leave her and she chuckled gently at how protective her wild child was. She closed her eyes and allowed herself a moment to enjoy her company. Red couldn't quite explain it, but she needed this; she needed someone in her corner.

"Well, that's a good thing isn't it?" Nicky asked the confusion evidently. Her own mother hadn't seen her in over a year, and while they hardly got along, and though she was well accustomed to being on her own, it didn't make it any less lonely or any less painful. "Didn't you have a good visit?"

"Ha!" Red laughed bitterly before she could stop herself. "If I wasn't already in prison-" she trailed off angrily and shook her head, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth and biting at it roughly. "Don't ever marry a man Nicky. They just suck the life right out of you."

Nicky felt her eyes widen in surprise. "I got the whole lesbian thing going for me, but thank you for the advice." Shaking her head in amusement, Nicky nudged her gently with her shoulder. She studied the older woman curiously and bit back a smile. Her face was as red as her hair and Nicky was grateful that she hadn't been the one to cause her such distress. "What happened?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Of course it does," Nicky argued. "You're obviously upset. Come on, talk to me." She pursed her lips together in what she hoped was a convincing pout. "I always tell you my problems."

Red couldn't help herself, "Because I'm the only one who will listen to you." She squeezed her hand for good measures, hoping the girl would recognize her joke for what it was.

Nicky didn't miss a beat, her thick, coated eyelashes batting dramatically. "Well, I don't see anyone else in here bothering to talk to you." Her lips quirked up in her signature style and she continued on, "So unless you just want to sit here and sulk alone… I'm all you got."

Smiling, Red inclined her head in defeat. _I'm all you got_. Nicky didn't quite realize how true those words were. Leaning heavily against the table, her hand once more moving through her hair, Red struggled with where to begin. Her hand moved from her short tresses to play with the small hoop dangling from her ear and she turned her head at the sound of Nicky calling her name.

"Ma," Nicky dragged out. She too leaned against the table, careful to keep her voice low. "Talk to me. Please?"

Blue eyes met brown and Red felt a sense of calm wash over her at the love and concern she saw being reflected back. Briefly, she wondered if she had looked at Nicky the same way if she had been as inviting as so. Was that was the reason Nicky trusted and confided in her so much? She could certainly see the appeal.

Quickly, Nicky realized that Red's inability to speak was not because she didn't trust her, but because whatever had happened was a much bigger deal than she wanted to admit. Her hand sought Red's and she squeezed it, thumb running over the back of it in slow, gentle sweeps. Red had always been more than patient for her, and Nicky felt it her duty to return the same courtesy.

Red could feel her body start to shake, and breaking the eye contact she had with Nicky, she focused her attention on their joined hands. '"My shop is gone," she all but whispered.

"Oh," Nicky gasped. "Red, I'm so sorry." She knew how much that shop had meant to the Russian. Hell, she seemed to love it more than she did her own sons. On many occasions, Nicky had promised that if she were to get out before her, she would visit. She shook her head in disappointment and offered a sad smile.

"I don't know for how long," Red continued her free hand moving frantically as she spoke. "They were all in on it. Even Vasily, he- they-" she shook her head in an attempt to push down her emotions. "Who knows how long they've been lying to me, but from my guess, it's probably been a few months, maybe even years."

Shaking her head Nicky, pulled her hand from Red's and wrapped both arms around her. She brought her forehead down to lean against Red's temple, her chin resting on her shoulder. With how tense and rigid the older woman felt in her embrace, Nicky could tell there was more to this story.

Bringing one hand up to cover Nicky's forearm, Red gripped it tightly. She needed something to stabilize her. As she opened her mouth to speak, her bottom lip began to tremble and her eyes fluttered close reflexively. "I'm filing for a divorce," as she spoke, the words were nothing more than a lump in her throat and she choked, mentally pleading with herself not to cry. She didn't want to hurt over this- not over Dmitri. Her husband had hurt her enough for one lifetime.

"Divorce?" Nicky questioned, pulling back to look at her. Without thinking about it, her hand reached up to wipe the tear that had managed to fall from Red's blue eyes and she offered her a sympathetic smile. "Are you sure?" She asked after a minute. "That's a big decision, Red. I know you loved that shop but this is your marriage. I just don't want you to regret it. Are you sure this isn't something that could be worked out?"

"No." Her tone of voice told Nicky all she needed to know. This was not just some irrational conclusion that she had drawn up out of anger, this was final. "My marriage has been over for a long time Nicky. I just didn't want to see it until today."

Nodding her head, Nicky's mind quickly flashed to Red's sons and she couldn't help but frown. She knew- or at least- she hoped, that they had only lied to protect their mother, but she wished they had just been honest with her. She wondered how they'd feel about their parents divorcing. If the marriage had been over for as long as Red had said, then maybe it wouldn't come as such a surprise. With a shake of her head she tried to dispel the thought, and as quickly as the Reznikov boys had left, an image of her own parents had appeared. They had divorced years ago when she was very young; she had no desire to ever live through those moments again. At least, she concluded, Red's sons were older- grown men- hopefully, they wouldn't be put in the middle of such bullshit.

"Did you call your mother?" Red asked, changing the subject.

"She sent me to voice mail." Nicky smiled sadly, "But what's new right?" she shrugged carelessly and cast her eyes downward. Her wounds were as old as time, something that would never fully go away, but that were becoming more and more manageable with every passing moment she spent in Red's presence.

Silence enveloped them and Red couldn't help but roll her eyes at the thought of Nicky's mother. Right now, while she wanted nothing more than to strangle the life out of her son's, she still loved them. It would take her some time to put this behind her, and even though this morning's revelations had brought to life the end of her marriage, it didn't put an end to her role as a mother. How Nicky's own mother didn't have the same train of thought, she didn't know. Quickly she cast a look at Nicky who was observing their clasped hands, her fingers gently tracing the length of her own. She smiled her anger and disappointment melting away at the innocent sight before her.

"I'm sorry your day was so shitty," Nicky apologized.

"It's not your fault." Red smiled, bringing her hand up to lovingly cup Nicky's cheek.

Nicky's hand covered her own and she leaned into her touch. "I can make it up to you. Everyone is outside; we can sneak into the kitchen and rearrange all of Mendoza's shit."

Red chuckled at her daughter's idea of quality bonding. She knew she kept her around for a reason. "As tempting as your offer is, I actually need to go and give Chapman a piece of my mind; take some of this anger out on her."

Nicky chuckled, rising to a stand and helping her mother to her feet. "While I do not envy her, and am seriously offended at you turning me down," she looped her arm through Red's and once more intertwined their hands, "I'll be the bigger person and even give you a personal escort to our dorms."

 **Author's Note:** I really don't like advertising to people to read different works of mine in my own stories... I usually like to promote for other people and other stories... With that being said, however, I have a joint account with AliceSlone13 (this is how I justify myself.. to myself) under the pen name _**AliceJoDownTheRabbitHole**_ and we have a co-authored story _From the Ashes_... Check it out?


	5. Sick Nicky

_A/N: My second take on sick Nicky. Also, for AliceSloane13, who hasn't been feeling very good for the last couple of weeks. I fulfilled majority of the request. I hope you like it (though I'm sure you'll find some way to complain) *hugs* Enjoy!_

-05-

Wiping her hands down the front of her apron, Red sighed tiredly. Untying the garment from around her waist, she tossed it onto the counter and ran a hand through her hair. Flipping the light as she exited the kitchen, her left hand moved to the small of her back, gently kneading out the pressure of her contracting muscles.

With a roll of her eyes she looked around the living room of the apartment she shared with Nicky and couldn't help but groan in frustration. The room was a mess and as exhausted as she was, she knew sleep would be challenging to come by unless she picked the place up. Seating herself on the edge of the couch, she made quick work of the fleece blankets that were carelessly laying beside her; folding them up, she placed them into the ottoman. She moved to stand and quickly arranged the couch cushions and pillows to her liking before moving across the living room to pick up the three pairs of shoes that Nicky had thrown by the door- too lazy to take them into her own room.

Her daughter was sure to be the death of her. Most, if not all of the mess, belonged to the troublesome younger woman. Shoes in hand, and feeling a lot better about the sight of her living room, Red retired down the hallway.

Quietly, she opened the door to Nicky's room and slowly tiptoed her way in. Placing the shoes neatly along the bottom of Nicky's closet, Red made her way to toward her daughter's sleeping form. She sighed softly and shook her head at the way Nicky shivered in her sleep. Pulling the quilt further up around her girl's shoulders, and tucking it around her, she hoped the action would bring her much needed warmth.

Brushing her hand over Nicky's forehead, pushing her wild hair out of her face she leaned down and gently pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Oh, sweetheart," She whispered into the sleeping woman's hair. "Honey, you're burning up."

Nicky had excused herself from dinner rather early into their evening, complaining of a headache. Red had thought nothing of it at first, offering her some Advil and encouraging her to sleep, but now she feared her girl was probably battling something more serious.

"Baby," She whispered, shaking her sleeping form gently. "Honey, wake up," Red smiled despite her concern at the way Nicky groaned and fussed in her sleep.

Nicky shook her head and turned away from her mother, burying her face into her pillow. "Sleepy," she mumbled, eyes squeezing together tightly. As if on cue, an ugly, harsh cough followed and she wheezed with every breath that she gasped for. "Shit!" She cursed, hand rubbing over her chest in an attempt to dull out the ache.

"You okay?" Red questioned, her voice dipped into a low whisper as her hand palpated Nicky's face. "Oh, malyshka. You're burning up. I'll get you some medicine."

"Not grape," Nicky warned in a sleepy tone. Once more she began coughing, and she groaned at the burning sensation that radiated in her throat. All day she had felt horrible, and it seemed as if the stress of the past few weeks were finally catching up with her. "I think I need to quit smoking." she rasped, the fingers of her right hand gently massaging the muscles in her neck.

"It certainly doesn't help,"Red chuckled and climbed onto the mattress enough so that she could lean over and kiss her girl's cheek. "You probably have strep. Everyone's getting sick lately. I'll be right back." She supported her weight on one hand and used her other to gently trace the length of Nicky's cheek. "You'll be the death of me, Nicky."

"I didn't ask to get sick," Nicky whined, curling her body into the fetal position in a desperate attempt to keep warm.

Placing another kiss to her cheek, Red mumbled, "I know," and quickly made her way out of the room to retrieve the medicine.

In a matter of moments, Red returned. With the sound of the door creaking open once more, Nicky lifted her head up just enough to throw a look of displeasure in her mother's direction.

"Come on, Nicky," Red encouraged, seating herself next to the girl. She helped her sit up and bit back a smile at the way Nicky's lip curled as she eyed the medicine. "Take it," Red commanded softly. "It'll make you feel better."

Taking the dispensing cup, Nicky groaned. She looked to her mother and then to the small cup. Suddenly the thought of suffering seemed more appealing. "Ma-" She whined. She felt it only right to argue, even if there was no chance of her winning.

"No. Take it."

With a roll of her eyes, Nicky brought the medicine up to her lips and tossed it back in one shot. She shivered as the liquid glided down her throat and she couldn't help but stick her tongue out- a gagging sound emitting from her at the flavor that still lingered on her taste buds.

Red smiled and kissed Nicky's forehead gently, patting her cheek affectionately. "I'm sorry," She apologized. "Grape was all we had."

Nicky flopped back against the pillows and closed her eyes within seconds of her head hitting the pillow. Red studied her a moment, fingers raking gently through her hair. She smiled at the way Nicky seemed to relax into her touch.

"Goodnight," Red ran her fingers through her daughter's hair and laughed softly as her untamed curls tangled and knotted. "Feel better, moya lyubov," Placing a gentle kiss on her daughter's forehead, she extracted herself from the bed and headed for her own bedroom. Hopefully, her girl would feel much better in the morning.

...

Nicky woke suddenly from her slumber in need of air. She coughed loudly, her stomach cramping painfully as she seemed to use every muscle in her body to get the phlegm in her chest out. She struggled to breathe and she felt tears brim the corner of her eyes reflexively. "Oh," she groaned one hand immediately coming to hold her right ear, her face scrunching up painfully as her body forced itself to catch up with it's every demand. Laying back into the pillows, her hand still cupping her ear, she shifted restlessly and groaned loudly as pain- red and hot- radiated in every fiber of her being.

"Ma," She squeaked. Turning to bury her face into the pillow she allowed herself to shed a few tears. Everything her- head, ear, throat, chest. "Mom," Her plea was muffled by the cotton of her pillow and it took every ounce of strength in her to sit up. Cupping her ear in her hand, she bit her lip forcefully as the pain seemed to once more radiate throughout. "Mom." Nicky pushed herself out of bed, barely making it past her bedroom door. Her free hand balled tightly at her side, she bit her bottom lip even harder. It was only a few steps to Red's room, but tonight the journey seemed to be impossible.

Coughing, she grimaced as her ear popped and gurgled, and she shuddered as the painful sensation only intensified. Pushing open Red's door, Nicky quickly made her way over to her bed. "Ma," She whispered, the evidence of discomfort and pain obvious. Her voice cracked under the weight of her emotions, and against her will, more tears began to glide down her cheeks. "Mom," She pushed roughly on Red's shoulder, yelping loudly as something deep in her ear popped.

Red shot up, hands immediately pulling Nicky toward her. "What is it, honey?" She asked, helping Nicky under the covers. Wrapping her arms around her tightly, her hand moved to wipe the tears off of her daughter's cheek. "What is it?"

Nicky shook her head, her breath catching in her throat as she continued to hold her ear. "Hurts," she finally managed to rasp. "My ear really hurts." Her throat was raspy, and another fit of persistent coughing kept her from further explaining.

Shaking her head, Red reached over to turn on the light at her bedside table. "Okay, shh," she soothed. "Okay. Do you need more medicine?" She was beyond exhausted, and a sick child was the last thing she was in the mood for. She hadn't enjoyed the taxing experience with her sons as young boys and she feared Nicky would be an even worse patient. Her girl was more trouble than any one person could handle in a lifetime, and besides that, something told her that when Nicky got sick…. She really, really got sick.

"I don't know," Nicky buried her face into her mother's chest, and her free hand moved to grip tightly at the fabric of Red's shirt just above her hip, fingernails embedding deeply into her skin.

At the feel of Nicky's nails digging into her painfully, Red moved her hand to cover Nicky's and shook her head sadly. Holding Nicky tightly to her, she kissed the top of her head. Nicky struggled against her for several long moments. She had never felt such intense pressure before, and she was unsure of what to do.

"Ma, it really hurts." Nicky cried, voice broken and strangled- interrupted by another round of coughing- as she continued to grip her ear tightly.

"Okay, okay." Red pushed herself up. With Nicky's tight hold on her, it was a struggle but she managed.

She peeked a quick glance at the clock. 2:20am. She was unsure what to do. Was this just a severe ear infection or had Nicky's eardrum ruptured? Did her girl have a cough or step, maybe even a respiratory infection? She contemplated her options: Give Nicky some pain medicine and hope it could hold her over until they could get to the doctor, or take her to the hospital tonight? Quickly, she pressed a hand to Nicky's forehead and nearly flinched at the heat that radiated off of her skin. As another low howl broke forth from her girl, the decision was clear. There was no way she could allow Nicky to suffer in pain. Even if there weren't much the doctors could do, perhaps they could at least get her something stronger than what she would have in the house.

"Okay, honey," Red cooed, rolling off the other side of the bed. "Give me a minute. We're going to the hospital."

"Ma-" Nicky had every intention of protesting but as the pulsing sensation only heated and worsened, she knew she wouldn't make a compelling argument. A part of her didn't even want to try.

…

Sitting at the foot of Nicky's hospital bed, Red pat her knee gently. Nicky smiled up at her softly and rolled her eyes. "Who knew hospitals had slow nights?" She asked quietly.

Red chuckled gently and ran a tired hand through her hair. "Shh," she chastised, "you shouldn't be complaining. On a normal night, we'd be here for hours."

"Not complaining,"

"The x-ray tech was kind of cute," Red shrugged. "You should have asked for her number."

Nicky smirked, her smart remark interrupted by the overwhelming need to cough. Left hand over her mouth, right over her chest, rubbing simultaneously as she struggled to ease the aching build up. With her eyes closed, she inhaled a deep breath and released it slowly. Swallowing with a grimace, her eyes fluttered open to meet Red's loving concern.

"The doctor should be in soon," Red soothed, she gently touched her forehead and shook her head. Nicky was still burning up but the nurses had managed to drop her fever from 104 to 99.7.

"My ear is killing me," she whined.

Red smiled at her sympathetically, "You have a perforated eardrum."

Glaring up at her gently, Nicky shrugged her off. "Stop repeating everything the doctor said and just lay down with me." She popped her bottom lip out for added effect and moved over enough to make room.

Laying next to her, Red's eyes closed the second her head hit the pillow. She pulled Nicky close to her and intertwined their fingers, her thumb running over the back of Nicky's hand in soft, sweeping motions.

"I'm ready to go home, Ma" Nicky admitted, groaning at the intense popping echoing in her ear. "Fuck," she grumbled.

"Baby," Red cooed, she squeezed her hand gently. "We'll leave soon," she promised.

"Hello," A young nurse appeared in the doorway and she smiled at them gently. "It's okay, mom," she said softly, holding her hand up as she noticed Red started to sit up. "It's been a long night, rest. How are you feeling, Nicky?" She asked, making her way around the bed.

"Like shit," Nicky grumbled.

With a smile, the nurse took her temperature and then moved back around the bed to chart into her notes. She looked up to the door and gestured to the doctor who was coming into the room, an extra blanket draped over her arm.

"Hi, you two," the doctor grinned. She passed Red the blanket and smiled at her sympathetically. "I know kids don't like to share so I wanted you to have one for yourself. It can get pretty cold in these rooms." She then moved to stand at Nicky's side and looked at her over the rim of her glasses. Clearing her throat she asked, "Are you a gambling woman, Ms. Nichols?"

Shaking her head, eyebrow arched high in confusion, Nicky mumbled, "Afraid not."

"Well, you've hit the jackpot." She chuckled gently. "Chest x-ray shows an upper respiratory infection and your step test came back positive." she motioned to her own ear, "and the perforated eardrum."

Red rolled her eyes and leaned back against the pillows. "Way to go, Nicky, couldn't you have won a cruise?"

Nicky couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Where would the fun be in that?" She asked sarcastically.

"We want to try and drop your temperature just a little more before we release you. You were very dehydrated when you came in so we also want to make sure to get some more fluids in you" the doctor explained, "So, finish that IV." She pointed to the needle in her hand. "I'll drop by in a bit to check on you and here's your prescription for antibiotics." She placed the paper in Red's outstretched hand. "Try to get some rest. I'll be back soon."

…

"Take this," Red instructed sleepily, holding out her hand. She tried to stifle a yawn but was unsuccessful. 5:45am. She groaned gently as she cast a look at the clock. They were just getting home from the hospital and she had never felt so tired in all of her life, she sincerely hoped Nicky would be able to sleep through the morning, lord knew she had to be just as exhausted if not more.

Nicky groaned, her throat burning as she swallowed the pills and water Red had offered her. "Thanks," she rasped. Reclining back into the pillows, she rubbed at her temples in an attempt to dispel the building pressure in her head. With hooded lids, she glanced a look up toward her mother and frowned. "Come on, Ma" she pat the spot next to her, "Sleep."

"You don't have to tell me twice." Red slid under the blanket and couldn't help but smile as Nicky instantly curled into her side. "How do you feel?" Her toned dipped into a soft whisper, as her hand instinctively found its way into Nicky's hair.

"Horrible."

Wrapping an arm around Nicky's frame, Red placed a light kiss to her crown, inhaling the scent of her hair. She wondered if the gesture comforted the girl nearly as much as it comforted her. "Sorry, you don't feel good sweetheart." Mindlessly, her hand found its way to Nicky's cheek and she stroked the skin softly.

Humming into her touch, Nicky nodded. Her eyes fluttered closed and she exhaled a breath of contentment as she nuzzled further into the warmth of her mother. Red, through the simple act of holding her, always seemed to magically make her feel better. The strong, steady cadence of Red's beating heart echoed in her ear and Nicky held a quick breath in an attempt to get her own heart to beat to the same rhythm.

"Thanks," she whispered. Her hand found the fabric of Red's shirt and she gripped it instinctively. She knew she wouldn't be abandoned in her slumber but there was something about physically holding Red to her that brought her indescribable comfort. An image quickly flashed in her mind- her as a little girl, a younger version of Red attempting to get her to sleep- the thought was priceless and Nicky couldn't help but smile. How different things could have been for her had she been born to this woman.

"What for?" Red asked sleepily, interrupting the girl's thoughts. She pulled Nicky impossibly closer and inhaled the scent of her hair.

Shrugging softly, sleep slowly luring Nicky into its serenity. The young woman grimaced, a shudder running through her as the popping sensation in her ear suddenly started up once more. "Taking care of me," Nicky whispered, her features contorting into a painful expression.

Red flicked her forehead gently. "I always take care of you, stupid girl. Haven't you learned that by now?"

"You're a good mom." Nicky grinned, a small chuckle vibrating through her body. A hard coughing soon followed, and she turned her head just enough to bury it into Red's shoulder.

Opening one eye, peeking down at the mess before her Red couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Nicky, honey," She could feel Nicky coughing and she ran her hand over the tense expanse of her back. "I know sharing is caring, but your germs are something you can keep to yourself."

"Shh," Nicky whispered hoarsely. "Tell me things,"

"Tell me things," Red mocked sleepily. She squeezed Nicky tightly and sighed in annoyance as her girl squirmed uncomfortably. "Go to sleep, Nicky." she tucked her head under her chin.

"But I'm sick," Nicky whined

"I know, that's why you need sleep."

"But, Ma,"

Red began to roll away from her, unable to bite back a smile as the action instantly had Nicky begging her forgiveness. "Go to sleep then."

"One more thing and I'll be quiet," Nicky begged quietly.

Sighing, Red nodded for her to continue and sighed as she pulled the blanket up higher around her shoulders. "One more thing," she mumbled.

"I love you."


	6. It's Simple

-06-

Marka's breath caught in her throat and with every step she took she felt her chest tighten. Hands gripping to the railing of the stairwell, she turned her head down toward her feet and her hair moved to fan out over her eyes. The voice in her head urged her to turn around and she shook her head gently in an attempt to get a grip on herself.

One by one, she climbed each step. Finally reaching the top, she felt light headed. Her left hand came to rest on her abdomen, a desperate attempt to ease the unbearable tightening. She exhaled a slow breath and her shoulders squared reflexively.

Nervously, she ran a hand through her hair and clutched her purse tightly where it hung around her shoulder. Her hands gripped so tightly to the strap, she could feel her own fingernails embedding deeply- painfully- into her palm.

The short journey from the top of the stairs to the apartment door marked 3B seemed to take a lifetime. Staring at the door, she clenched her hand even tighter than before and she knew she'd have impressions from her expensive manicure. A force that was unbeknownst to her, caused her hand to lift and knock on the door. She hadn't even realized she had done it until the echoing of her knocking rang loudly in her ears.

A faint voice on the other side of the door, "I'm coming! I'm coming!" is what finally caused her to drop her hand back to her side. She turned slightly on her heel to face the parking lot and once more her hand fell to the flat skin of her tummy. Her eyes closed at the sound of the lock clicking out of place and she felt her heart skip a beat as she tensed in anticipation for the reaction she knew was sure to come.

"Yes?"

Her brow furrowed in response and she felt her shoulders drop. That was not her daughter's voice. Turning around she was met with a woman who was roughly her same age. Her hair was red, and her eyebrow was raised high in confusion as she too studied her with the same amount of intensity.

"Can I help you?" The woman's Russian accent was thicker than normal. She drew the front door open just a little more and leaned against the door frame.

She noticed the apron around her waist and recognized her distinguished accent immediately. Marka felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach and nervously her hand ran through the top of her hair. She fought to open her mouth, but couldn't will herself to speak.

"Never mind," she finally whispered. She hadn't even realized she had said anything until the woman began to question who she was.

Red's hand tightened on the doorknob as she stuttered out a response. "Did you need something?" Her head tilted to the side as she tried to recall where she recognized the woman from. She looked so lost and oddly familiar. "Do I know you?"

"Ma, who is it?"

Quickly, Red turned to look over her shoulder, and then back to the woman at the door. Her features softened slightly at the myriad of emotions that flickered across the woman's face. As her bottom lip popped out in disappointment, Red felt her eyes widen slightly. This woman was Nicky's mother.

Not accustomed to being pitied, but recognizing the look when she saw it, Marka shook her head. Her heart broke at the sound of Nicky's voice ringing throughout the apartment and she turned to look away as once again she heard her child call another woman mom.

Nicky seemed either unaware or completely uninterested, at what was happening in the doorway. "Ma, hurry up. You're missing the best part of the movie!"

Forcing a smile to her lips Marka stuttered her way through an apology. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I think I have the wrong apartment. Sorry to bother you, have a good night." Not bothering to wait for a response she turned, her pace quick as she all but ran to the stairs she had just ascended.

Red watched her until she saw her get into her car. Hearing the slamming of the door, her hand raised to run nervously through the short length of her hair. Shaking her head in confusion, she moved to close the door. Clicking the lock back into place she leaned against it heavily and smiled as Nicky finally tore her eyes away from the tv.

"We're supposed to be having a movie night." Nicky reminded her, holding up the popcorn.

Laughing gently, Red pushed herself away from the door and took her apron off as she walked, tossing it onto the coffee table as she made her way over to the sofa. She smiled happily as Nicky instantly moved to lay her head in her lap.

Nicky offered her the bowl of popcorn over her shoulder. "I didn't burn it this time!" she declared proudly.

Rolling her eyes, Red took a handful and popped a few pieces into her mouth. "I don't know how you even managed to burn the last bowl," she retorted, her amusement obvious. "You put it in the microwave and you take it out, it's not rocket science, Nicky."

Shrugging, Nicky turned her attention back toward the tv. "Not that simple," she mumbled through a mouthful of popcorn.

Knowing that it was in fact that simple, Red choose to remain quiet. Her left hand began to stroke gently through Nicky's hair and she smiled as her daughter moved to nuzzle further into her warmth. Looking down at her precious bundle she thought about the woman who had seemingly re-appeared out of thin air and sighed. Her hold tightened on Nicky as she fought to put Marka out of her mind. There were many things that were too complicated and painful to understand, but loving Nicky was not one of them.


	7. Sleeping Beauties

_A/N: For AliceSloane13 because she keeps me inspired daily, and because who doesn't love random OOC fluff? *hugs*. To nofearonlylove because she listenes to my crazy and last but not least, Icedragon3643. Thank you for reading over this (but to be fair she only read a portion of it) so any mistakes found are rightfully mine._

 _-07-_

Red opened one eye, feeling a dip in the bed next to her. All she saw was strawberry curls and she grinned as the mass of frizz came to lay in a giant heap across her chest.

"Ma," Nicky whined, draping an arm across her torso. "Get up!"

"Nicky," Red warned sleepily. "I just came to lay down." She wrapped her precious monster up in her arms and sighed in contentment. She felt Nicky move against her restlessly and bit the inside of her cheek roughly. For the last few weeks she'd been working more hours than usual. The cafe she had found a job at a few months prior was expanding rapidly and they were short staffed. To say Red was exhausted was a drastic understatement.

With Red doubling her hours and Nicky having responsibilities of her own, they had been missing one another for days. Working at a 24/7 diner, Nicky was either barely coming home from a shift or leaving for one when Red was waking up in the morning. Red's grip on her girl tightened and she growled gently in the back of her throat as the younger woman continued to protest.

This was the first time that they had both been home together for more than a few moments, and while she too wanted nothing more than to spend the day with Nicky, Red knew the chances of that happening were slim to none. If she didn't catch up on some sleep, her temper would be volatile. The last thing she wanted to do was take it out on Nicky.

"It's been so long, though!" Nicky pleaded. She pushed herself up on her elbows, jabbing Red in the ribs as she did so. Realizing what she had done, she mumbled an apology, her face scrunching up as Red gripped her elbow roughly.

The pain still keenly felt, the older woman inhaled a deep breath and gritted a slew of Russian curses through her clenched teeth as Nicky moved against her once more.

"Please, Ma. Get up." she begged.

When she had first found out that she and her mother were off on the same day, Nicky had been elated. Now she was just annoyed. How could Red sleep all day when she could go out and explore New York with her daughter instead? Granted, there wasn't much to see that they hadn't already done together, but that was besides the point. Nicky didn't want to spend another minute locked in their cracker-jack box apartment.

Red's hand came up to her daughter's cheek, and she patted it earnestly. A small, and genuine smile playing across her lips as Nicky popped her bottom lip out in pleading. "Lay down," Red coaxed. She guided the girl closer to her and shook her head in amusement as the familiar warmth pressed closely into her side. She felt Nicky's slim fingers find the outline of her jaw and she hummed gently as delicate fingers ghosted over her profile. "I find you incredibly cute, Nicky, but being sweet isn't going to work this time." she sighed tiredly, "Honey, I know you wanted to go out today, but I am completely spent."

Nicky grumbled and resisted the urge to flick her mother in the forehead. "You promised!"

"I know," Red sighed. She already felt awful and hoped Nicky wouldn't work the guilt card too hard. "I promise I'll make it up to you." Her arm tightened around Nicky and she drew her in even closer. She kissed her head, inhaling the sweet scent of her shampoo. "Your hair smells good."

"Being sweet isn't going to work this time," Nicky mocked. She rolled onto her back, crossing her arms over her chest.

Propping herself up on her elbow Red smiled down on her daughter. Leaning forward, she pressed a wet and sloppy kiss to Nicky's cheek, laughing gently as Nicky grumbled in mock disgust.

"Don't be mad at me," Red whispered, her voice muffled as her lips moved against Nicky's skin. Her voice was soft as she spoke and she could feel her daughter's frustration slowly melting away.

Keeping her eyes on the ceiling, arms still crossed over her chest, Nicky bit the inside of her cheek. As her mother continued to coo her apologies, she felt her shoulders relax just slightly. Nicky cut her eyes in the older woman's direction, glaring at her suspiciously.

Red's hand fell to her daughter's abdomen, and she lightly scratched the skin that peeked out from under her shirt, just above her hip. She chuckled, as the young woman shivered, and she scratched at her skin once more.

"Nicky," she drawled out lovingly. Shifting just an inch, her forehead came to rest against Nicky's temple. She kissed her ear playfully. "Love you," she promised.

Nicky huffed in annoyance. "No you don't," she protested, lips pursing together in the way they so often did when she was annoyed. "If you loved me we would leave this apartment." She knew she was being ridiculous, and she'd apologize for that later, but for now she planned to ride this out as long as she could.

Dropping down back onto her back, Red chuckled. She reached for Nicky's hand, pleasantly surprised when the girl didn't snatch it back. She squeezed it in her own and hummed a sound of approval as Nicky's fingers instinctively intertwined with her own. So much for staying mad at her.

Pulling their hands down to her chest, Red looked over to see pools of warm brown eyes staring at her. She popped her lip out playfully, pouting in the same way Nicky did. She was positive that she looked nowhere near as cute as her girl, but it was worth a shot.

Shaking her head, Nicky's shoulders shook with laughter and her eyes seemed to lighten to a shade of honey. Her lips pursed together into a thin line and despite her attempts at camouflaging it, Red could still make out the ghost of a smile that lay beneath, letting her know as much. Nicky shrugged, her lips thinning even more.

"I'm still mad at you," she informed her honestly, eyebrow arching high in an attempt to illustrate just how serious she was.

Squeezing her hand, Red's shifted toward her and grinned as Nicky's head seemed to gravitate toward the crook of her neck. Thin fingers came up to trace the small hoop that dangled from her ear and Red whined playfully as Nicky tugged on it a second time, pulling harder than she hopefully had intended to.

"You need new earrings, Ma."

"Buy me a pair?"

Nicky shook her head, and tugged on the golden circle once more. "Only if you take me out."

Red batted Nicky's hand away from her ear and wrapped it securely in her own. Bringing it to her lips, she softly kissed the inside of the younger woman's wrist. It was the same gentle pressure one would expect from a mother kissing away their child's injury.

"Stop that," Nicky whined, grunting once more in protest as yet another kiss adorned her wrist and then her palm. Despite herself, a hum of approval escaped her lips before she could stop it, and before Red had a chance to call her out on it she said, "You're ridiculous."

Red nodded in agreement, her body growing heavy with every passing second. Maybe she was ridiculous, but Nicky brought out that side in her. "Close your eyes," she commanded. Her accent was thick and heavy with sleep, and she resisted the urge to laugh as Nicky lifted her head up to look at her in question.

These moments with her girl took her back to the days when her sons were young- when she'd have to wrestle them into submission and practically lay on top of them to get them to be still. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips and she sent a silent prayer of thanks up that Nicky wasn't _that_ incorrigible.

Despite all of Nicky's earlier objections, Red could feel her girls body mold against her own and before long she felt Nicky's long leg drape over her waist and tangle with her own. She smiled to herself at the cold foot that ran up and down the length of her shin.

"Cold?" Nicky asked quietly.

"Yes." Red informed her, moving her leg up just enough to trap Nicky's foot under it and hold it immobile against the warmth of the blanket. "Where are your socks?"

"I dunno," Nicky answered truthfully. Her arm falling once more to drape over Red's torso.

Nicky's fingers found and played with the fabric of her mother's shirt. She pulled the material into the palm of her hand and clutched and released it reflexively. Nuzzling closer into the warmth that was distinctly Red's. A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips as Red's hand ran up and down the length of her arm, and she shivered as scarlet red nails scratched and teased her skin, goosebumps breaking out over her in response.

Even as she spoke, Nicky regretted every syllable that passed her lips. "I'm only closing my eyes. I'm not going to sleep." She promised. Exhaling a deep breath, she hugged herself closer to Red's side.

Realizing her victory, Red nodded against her. "Mmhmm," she agreed.

Feeling Nicky's breath hit her neck, her chest rising and falling steadily. Red acknowledged the comfortable silence that captivated them- cocooning them in their own little piece of heaven. She felt her head lull to the side, her own eyes closing as she slipped into the deep and peaceful abyss of sleep that had been beckoning her since the moment she had first laid down.

There would be plenty of time for adventure later, but for now, this- Nicky- was all she needed.

 **Author's Note:** I would like to welcome Icedragon3643 and MinervaSnape394 to the RN writing family. *hugs* Icedragon3643 has got a wonderful story posted, titled _It's_ _Never Too Late (To Try)_ and MinervaSnape394 has one titled _You Could Have Come To_ _Me_. So go read and send them all of the nice things so they will stick around!


	8. Always Worth It

_A/N: A random moment in this story of random moments._

-08-

"Hey! Catch her!" Mendoza's cry of warning came one second too late.

It happened before anyone could react, and in the same breath, it seemed to play out in slow motion. Red's legs fell out from underneath her, feet gliding across the large puddle of water that dripped from the trays in Maritza's hands.

Red's hand flew out, blindly reaching for anything to hold onto. The only thing she'd been able to make contact with was the corner of the trays as Maritza turned, jumping at the sound of Mendoza's scream. They large pieces of cooking equipment fell to the ground, ricocheting up with enough force to brutally make contact with Red's hands, before falling to the ground again- the sound of their clatter echoing throughout the eerily quiet kitchen.

Groaning loudly, Red's eyes closed as her back instantly ignited into flames. "Fuck," she hissed, her hands slowly coming up to her head. She could already feel a headache forming.

Healy was at her side instantly, bent down on one knee. "Red,"

The older woman groaned in response. "Yea," she managed. "I'm okay. I think… I'll be fine."

Gloria made her way over, offering her hand she and Healy both helped the redhead back to her feet. "You sure you're alright?" the worry in her tone was evident.

"I'm fine," Red grunted, pulling her hands from theirs and gripping tightly to the counter top. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, biting down as Healy's hand roughly wiped away the dirt on her back. Her eyes closed in response to the pressure and she swallowed the painful whimper that threatened to rip from her as his hand passed over her lower back once more- muscles spasming in protest.

Gloria smirked, dusting the pieces off of her shoulder. "Sure you are." She turned to Maritza who was standing in the corner with a guilty look on her face, eyes large in surprise as she focused her attention on the back of Red's head. " _Ven, mira._ What's the matter with you, huh?"

"It was an accident," Maritza stuttered. She walked toward them, stopping just a few steps in front of Gloria. "I didn't know she was behind me."

Sighing, Gloria inclined her head in understanding. Gesturing to the trays on the floor she signaled for the younger woman to pick them up. "Just… be careful next time alright? Dry the damn things by hand if you have to. I don't need any more accidents happening on my watch. _Eintendo?_ "

Rising to her feet, Maritza nodded, "Yes." She moved closer to the counter top and turned her body enough to look the older, Russian woman directly in the eyes. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I didn't know how much water was still left on these things," she held up the trays as proof and shrugged, hoping to detach from her guilt.

Waving her away, Red accepted her apology. "I'll be okay. Put those away and mop up the water. I don't want anyone else falling."

"You want to go to medical, Red?" Healy asked in concern. He gripped tightly to her arm, "You should get checked out."

"I'm fine," she pulled her arm from his grasp and nudged Maritza out of her way. She took a few steps, grunting in response to the way her nerves seized in hot pain.

Gloria rolled her eyes and moved to pull a package of peas from the freezer. " _Estoy bien, Loca,"_ she mumbled. "You can't even walk."

Healy stepped up behind her, heavy hand resting on her shoulder. Red couldn't help but roll her eyes, a low growl of warning vibrating deep in her chest. She flicked her eyes upward, catching the amused glint that seemed to sparkle in Gloria's brown ones. Shrugging her shoulder from under the counselor's touch, Red maneuvered her weight on the counter as she turned to face him.

"I appreciate the help, Healy, and the concern, but I'll be okay."

"You could be seriously injured-"

"She's a tough old bitch," Mendoza interjected. "She was slocked in the face with a lock. I think she can withstand tripping over a little puddle of water." She shrugged her shoulders casually and crunched the bag of peas in her hand. A fall at Red's age could be bad, but Gloria trusted her judgment. If she said she was okay then she probably was. No one would get anywhere arguing with her.

Healy glared at her, eyes narrowing as they dared one another into a silent staring contest. "She should take it easy,"

"Take it easy?" Gloria laughed, when had Red ever done things the easy way? She placed the frozen bag on Red's back and smirked as she jumped in response.

"Ma,"

Turning at the sound of her daughter's voice, Red winced, her hand flying to her back. She jolted as the frozen touch of the bag made contact with the skin of her hand. "Thank you," she gritted through clenched teeth. Mendoza's hand fell away from her, and Red held the bag in place. "Nicky, yes," she shook her head. "What's the matter?"

Nicky's brows furrowed in confusion. "What the hell happened to you?" She walked toward her mother and pushed her red hair back off of the shoulder. With the simplest of touches, she had encouraged Red to relax, blue and brown eyes meeting in a dance of understanding. The gleam in Red's sapphire eyes assured Nicky she was okay, and the phantom weight that had begun to suffocate the younger woman seemed to vanish instantly.

"She fell," Healy launched into a tireless explanation, his monotoned words only serving to break the shared moment between mother and daughter. "She's okay but she's going to medical to get checked out."

At this Mendoza walked away, her hands held up in surrender. She refused to be pulled into the middle of railroading Red into anything. It had never worked before, getting Red to abide by anyone else's wishes, why would it be any different now? If anything the man was just signing his death wish.

"I am not!" Red interjected. She tensed under Nicky's hand on her shoulder.

"At least take the day off," Healy pleaded. "Bed rest. Mendoza can handle the kitchen today."

Red shook her head, leaning her full weight against the counter. "No," she argued, hand still holding the frozen bag of peas to her lower back. "I'm fine. I'm not going on bed rest like some frail old woman. I start to become that useless why don't you just take me out back and shoot me? Put me out of my misery."

Nicky shook her head, "We don't have to go that far." she squeezed Red's shoulder reassuringly. "At least just take the night off, huh?" she asked.

"Meet me halfway, Red"

Rolling her eyes, Nicky fought the urge to tell Healy she didn't want them meeting anywhere. She had never been his biggest fan but had also never been his enemy in the way Chapman had. However, that didn't mean Nicky had to like the way he invited himself into Red's problems.

Red could feel herself relenting, the nerves in her back screaming at the idea of her working. "Fine, I'll take the evening off. But I'm not going on bedrest. I don't need to be confined to my bed all day for Nicky to keep an eye on me."

"Wait," Nicky stuttered. She laughed gently, her head shaking in disbelief, her hair moving in waves against her shoulders. "Me? You want me to look after you? Red, no. I" she closed her hands in front of her, fingers lining up perfectly as her palms came together. "I can't-"

"Why the hell not?" Mendoza interjected, the amusement in her tone undeniable at the look of horror on Red's face.

"Well-"

Glaring at her, Red moved to stand a little taller. Her head tilted to the side as she intently studied the nervous flash in Nicky's eyes. "Well," she mocked, pressing for a valid reason. "Why not? I take care of you, Nicky."

Nodding, Nicky couldn't help but sigh. She forced a playful smile to her lips. "And you do such a good job of it, Red. I mean look at me," she gestured to herself. "I'm good. But… shouldn't we let you stick to the caring and TLC? I'm not exactly what you would call _nurse material_." Nicky laughed, feeling the tension in the room increase as Red continued to stare her down. "Besides, who's gonna watch out for me if I'm watching out for you all day?"

"I am," Red answered diplomatically.

Features softening, Nicky smirked, her lips curling in the playful way they so often did. "You are?"

"Don't I always?"

Red had done more than simply watch out for her. The magnitude of such a question wasn't lost on Nicky and she nodded her head obediently, a sense of adoration flooding through her veins. "I'm a lot to watch out for," she promised.

"Yes you are," Red took her offered hand and allowed Nicky to support her as they walked out of the cafeteria.

…

The life of Nicky had been an eventful one. Red felt as if she were chasing around a small child. How many time had she said: Don't eat that, what are you doing? Put that down. The afternoon had just barely found them in their dorm, Red sincerely regretting the decision to not just simply abide by Healy's request in the first place. Nicky was exhausting.

"Nicky," she sighed, looking up from her book. "What-"

"It's chocolate," Nicky whined, interrupting the question she already knew was coming. She held up the KitKat, gesturing for Red to take a piece. "It's good."

"It's full of sugar," Red muttered. She shook her head in annoyance, eyes rolling as Nicky shoved another piece into her mouth. "You're going to ruin your appetite."

Nicky licked her fingers, moaning for effect as the sweet, savory taste melted on her taste buds. She nodded her head to Red's book, crumbling the wrapper in her palms. "What are you reading?"

"Currently," Red closed the cover, pulling her glasses from her face and sighing as they fell from her hand to hang around her neck. "Nothing because you won't be quiet."

Rolling her eyes, Nicky pushed herself up from Red's bunk. Moving across the cube she began to riffle through Piper's things, dropping to her knees to peer under her bunk. "You're the one who wanted to spend the day with me," she pointed out. She reached under the cot for the stack of books and fell to her bottom as she tossed them from their neat stack to the mattress. "She's got nothing good here."

"I didn't have a choice," Red lied.

Nicky crawled her way to Piper's locker, jimmying with the combination of her lock. She smiled proudly as it popped open. "You practically begged to spend the day with me!" Nicky moved the articles of clothing around, smiling as she found a bag of chips. Opening them, she grinned mischievously, the sound of the bag ripping music to her ears. "How do you think I got stuck watching you?"

Red reached down for the sandal adorning her foot, without so much as a second thought she flung it at Nicky. She didn't bother to repress her proud smile as it connected to the side of the girl's head. "You are not _watching_ me, Nicky," she corrected. "I'm quite capable of looking after myself.

Nicky's lips morphed into a playful pout as she rubbed the side of her head. "You're supposed to be taking it easy, not abusing me." She shook her head in amusement, crunching on the last bit of Piper's chips before storing the empty bag back into her locker. "You're more trouble than you're worth, you know that? If I wasn't here keeping an eye on you who know's what you'd get into, or you'd get into trouble with."

"I'd have made more progress on my book, I can tell you that much," Red mumbled. "Besides Nicky, where do you think _you_ get it from? I worry about you. How many times have I had to rail you back in today?" She rubbed her forehead in exhaustion.

Nicky beamed the thought of inheriting anything from Red seemingly as priceless as a gift from God himself. Her behavior wasn't any different from any other day, but she was not oblivious to the fact that she and Red didn't spend every waking moment together. Perhaps she indulged a little _too_ much in Red's presence but she wouldn't apologize for it.

Red couldn't help but continue to explain, "You think I'd get into trouble? Nicky, look at who you spend your time with. Luschek, for starters. I don't trust him. I wish you wouldn't be so trusting of everyone." She gestured to Piper's bunk as Nicky picked herself up from the ground to sit at Red's desk. "Piper, she's sweet, good intentions but a little… a little off, and," she indicated the mess Nicky had left in her wake, "She's not going to be very pleased coming back to this."

"You have guard friends," Nicky challenged back. "Ones who want you to _meet them halfway_."

"We're not talking about me and I'm not meeting anyone anywhere."

Nicky rolled her eyes, "You might be more relaxed if you did. I'm sure you could find a position that-"

"Nicky," Red growled in warning.

Innocent brown eyes met annoyed blue ones. Smirking, Nicky began to finger through Red's things, her hand gripping instinctively to the magic mirror that was probably as old as she was. "I didn't say it had to be him. There are plenty of fish in this shark tank we live in." Nicky threw her head back in laughter. "I actually hear that's a dating site, _plenty of fish,_ maybe when we get out of here I'll make you a profile." She opened the top drawer to the desk and rocked back and forth happily as she pulled Red's makeup from their perfectly aligned places.

"Are you listening to anything I'm telling you, or is this all going in on ear and out the other?"

"Yes," Nicky groaned. "I hear you. No guard friends, eat less chocolate- although to be fair it has milk in it and cocoa beans grow from a tree, so it's practically a vegetable. Right? Ma," Nicky paused in her explanation, her mouth opening as she began to slowly apply the red lipstick to her lips. "Ma, why is this so creamy?" She looked at herself in the mirror, pursing her lips out as she admired their shape. "I don't think this is my color," she admitted. "Besides, I always preferred matte lipsticks."

"You wore lipstick?" Red smiled at her, the annoyance she'd been feeling melting away instantly. It wasn't often that Nicky allowed her a glimpse into _Nicole's_ life, not the happy more ordinary memories anyway. With a pillow behind her back, she propped herself up a little straighter against the cement wall.

She watched Nicky with a soft smile as she continued to line her lips in red. It wasn't something Red would admit out loud, but when she'd been pregnant she had always wanted a daughter. She had imagined this very moment with a little girl. Had always wanted _this._ Watching her play in her makeup; see her doll herself up as a young woman, preparing to go out for a night on the town.

It seemed to come nearly thirty years too late, behind the high walls of Litchfield prison, but Red could not stop the way her heart pounded against the walls of her chest, the fast-paced tempo drumming in her ears relentlessly.

Babbling away, Nicky traced the outline of her eyelid with Red's black eyeliner. "I never wore much make-up. Mascara, and eyeliner mostly, but every once in awhile," she shrugged and smudged the bottom of her liner with her finger. "I would never wear this out," she pointed to her red lips. "Maybe something neutral or pink."

Raising her eyebrow in question, Red scoffed. "Pink?" she shivered in displeasure.

"What's wrong with pink?"

"It's not red."

Nicky laughed softly, carelessly storing Red's cosmetics back into the drawer. "Well," she teased. "I guess I see your point." She moved to sit next to her on the bunk. "Taking care of you hasn't been so bad."

Red chuckled. "I think I more or less watched out for you today, but" she wiped the corner of Nicky's mouth, erasing the smeared lipstick from her face. "I did enjoy your company."

"I told you I was a lot to watch out for," Nicky laughed, curling into her mother's side.

"But always worth it, Nicky," Red covered her hand with her own and squeezed it lovingly. "Always worth it."


	9. War Paint

_A/N: I had bigger plans for this, but I truly like how it turned out. A, read nice things and be happy! XOXO._

-09-

"Nicky,"

At the sound of her name, the young woman smiles. Taking a seat on the edge of her mother's bunk, she pulls the multi-colored, crocheted pillow into her lap, fingers automatically finding and playing with the frayed ends.

Red glances at her from the corner of her eye, but for the most part she remains concentrated on her own reflection staring back at her. The mirror she's had for over a decade perched perfectly on her metal desk.

"What are you doing up so early?" Red asks, as if she didn't already know the answer. Her fingers are picking at her skin in the same manner that many women do, analyzing every contour and line. Nicky watches, patiently examining the way Red studies herself.

This mundane act of Red applying her makeup is something Nicky can only describe as therapeutic. As innocent as this moment is, it means everything to her. She had always known her childhood to be unordinary, and perhaps even a bit robotic, but she hadn't taken a step back and truly considered how much she had been robbed of- Marka had never bothered to even give her this-she'd never seen another woman apply their make-up and commit to a facial regime until she had ended up here.

Clearing her throat, her answer is barely above a whisper, "I always sit with you in the morning."

At this, Red smiles, a soft laugh vibrating deep in the back of her throat. "So, you do," she agrees easily. She turns her head and winks at Nicky playfully, the blue of her eyes tugging at the young woman's heart strings, and she practically swoons over the sight.

Instantly, Nicky feels a flutter of warmth spread through her abdomen and she hugs the pillow to her tightly. There's an unmistakable sparkle in Red's eyes, and for as long as she can, Nicky soaks up the look of adoration reserved solely for her.

Returning to her task, Red zones into a world all her own. She begins to hum softly, something she would deny doing if Nicky ever called her on it. She reaches into the drawer for her lotion and pumping just a small amount into her hands, she breaks the substance up in her palms before massaging it into her face.

Like an overeager child on Christmas, Nicky's posture straightens, her mental pen going to work as she jots down all the steps Red preforms. She's seen the Russian in action so many times, she could practically give a play by play.

"Nick," purposely, Red shortness her name one letter. " _Why_ do you watch me so intensely?" she shrugs, not particularly bothered by the girl's presence. Having her present is as healing for her as she imagines it must be for Nicky.

"You're a representation of me," Nicky begins smoothly. "I just want to make sure you aren't walking around these halls looking like the pages from a child's coloring book." The humor in her tone is evident, and her brown eyes glisten, waiting for the response she knows is sure to follow.

For the past five years, this has been their routine. Since that first night in the bathroom, when Red had nursed her through a grueling and painful detox, Nicky had quickly melted naturally into her side; walking two customary steps behind her as Red guided her through what would become the best years of her life.

"You're worried about how I look?" Red asks, her brow arching high in response. She doesn't bother to look the young woman in the eye, the threat of her tone surely enough to regain a sense of control over Nicky's insulting, but incredibly clever, language. "Your mascara is so thick, you could be a raccoon." Red shakes her head, losing herself in amusement, her annoyance melting as quickly as it had appeared. "I bet you haven't touched a brush in weeks."

"Not true," Nicky murmured. She jutted her chin toward Piper's sleeping form and smiled, "I handed blondie her brush yesterday morning."

Red makes a sound of acknowledgement, whether that exactly constituted her definition of _touching a brush,_ Nicky isn't sure, but she's positive it's not what her mother had in mind.

Like a high she'd spend forever chasing, Nicky's pupils dilate in awe as she watches Red's wrist flick dramatically, her eyeliner just as vibrant as her movements. Her signature winged eyeliner, though incredibly intense, is something Nicky loves most.

She never knew a person's entire emotion and heart could be worn in their cosmetics. It seemed to give a different, more personal meaning to _wears her heart on her sleeves._ Red put her whole heart into everything- even healing her.

This time alone, though not touching and not necessarily speaking reassuring words of love, is something Nicky needs- desperately needs. Occasionally, she needs to feel _normal_ and in control.

Watching her mother apply her war paint _-_ -black, winged liner and creamy, vibrant red lipstick-is something she cherishes. The magic of the moment is never lost on her as she watches Red transform from delicate to fierce, the change she strives to one day see in herself.

 **Author's Note:** MinervaSnape394 has a really great story, _You Could Have Come to Me_ (RN centric with some Gloria sprinkled in there) if you dare to give it a chance. Her first story, so constructive, positive feedback always welcomed.

A Star In My Universe completed her story _Home_ but has already begun the sequel _Promises_ so check that out. AliceSloane13 & I have a co-authored story _Night Butterfly_ (at this point I'm more a sounding board than author but shhh.) A completely AU story, but in some way this entire fanfic thing is AU, huh?

If anyone is like me and enjoys manipulating Red/Gloria chemistry into something more… romantic LOL.. Icedragon3643 has a story, _In the Name of Love._ Again, she claims I co-wrote it with her, but really, I just encouraged and jotted down a few sentences for purely selfish reasons so she wouldn't stop in the middle. *winks* Go give everyone all the love guys!


	10. PBJ

_A/N: Oh, look at me, being productive once more. Just something sweet to keep those glucose levels sky high. *wink wink*_

-10-

"You're missing my entire point," Luschek argued. He reached for the jar of mixed nuts on his desk, and in between a mouthful, he said, "Velcro is the future."

Piper blinked the smile that had been on her lips slowly falling. "Velcro?"

"Velcro shoes, velcro pants. Think about it, Chapman, you wouldn't have to work so hard to lace up your shoes, or to get undressed. Why should kids and their Spider-man, light up sneakers be the only velcro item on the market?"

"Luschek, man," Nicky sighed. She reached into the jar on his desk, scoping a large handful of almonds and cashews into her palm. A few pieces scattered onto the desk and ignoring the pairs of eyes watching her she plucked the pieces up quickly. "Why do you even bother to talk?" she asked in annoyance. "It's truly a waste of everyone's time. I'll never get these moments back, you know that right?"

"Well, we're in prison, Nicky." Piper said sadly, "so, I don't think it really matters."

"Take a lesson from Chapman's book, Nichols. Positivity." He held up a finger, exaggerating his deluded sense of superiority. "Your negativity on the other hand," he pointed his finger at her and wagged it slowly, "that is why Lorna married a man."

Piper winced and peeked a glance out of the corner of her eye at Nicky. "Ow, Luschek," she hissed. "A little harsh."

Nicky waved away her concern. It wasn't like it was the worst thing she had ever been told. "You know," she said a bit dejectedly, "If I wanted to be married I would just save myself the time and buy a bride. Just forgo all that hassle. Women are so complicated, wanting a white picket fence and babies, and a dog and a cat. What's wrong with just a good fuck?"

The whole Lorna situation still bothered her to a degree but it was something she was slowly putting behind her. It would do no good to dig herself into a hole of sadness. It was just a part of life-getting hurt-falling in love.

"But you fell in love with her," Piper said smartly, a coy smile tugging on the corner of her lips. She'd been there, in the trenches of love as Cupid shot cannons at her. She sat down on the corner of the desk, ignoring Luschek's glare as she did so. "If it was just about sex you wouldn't have been so torn up about it for so long."

Nicky paid her no mind, refusing to look at her as she reached into the jar once more. "Why waste time with romance, ya know?" she asked bitterly, stuffing her face with the salty treats. "Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce anyway."

Piper looked up to meet Luschek's eyes. "Why would you even waste your money?" she asked before she could stop herself. She shook herself in annoyance. She hated Luschek for bringing this up, but she hated herself more for continuing to bate Nicky in the process.

A figure in the doorway catching his attention, Luschek smiled. "Will you take a Russian bride?" he asked Nicky innocently.

Throwing the handful of nuts she held in her hand at him, Nicky ignored his complaining and wiped her salted covered hands down the front of her pants. "Russian?" she questioned, oblivious to the redhead looming in the doorway. "Do I look like Sam Healy to you?"

"No, but it seems a special delivery has arrived for you and I don't think there's a return policy." he told her cheekily.

Confused, Nicky turned slightly, her eyes widening at the sight of her mother in the doorway. She naturally moved toward her, giving no second thought to the two boneheads she was leaving behind. Pulling at the hem of her shirt subconsciously, she scuffed her boots along the concrete floors.

Watching her walk away, eyes focused on her ass, Luschek blindly picked up the almonds and cashews that had fallen onto his lap. "At least shipping was free," he said simply.

"You're such a perv," Piper scoffed.

"Always liked a round peach," he said sweetly.

Rolling her eyes, Piper moved away from him. It wasn't near as fun to keep the banter going without Nicky by her side.

"Red," Piper could hear Nicky declare, "what are you doing here?" she watched as the mother daughter duo stepped out of the electrical unit.

As her child stepped out into the sunlight, Red couldn't hold back the smile at the red glow that casted over her child's wild, curly mane. "I brought you lunch," she said simply, snapping out of her daze. "We're serving meatloaf today for lunch and I know you don't like that," she said as a means of explanation. "So, I made you peanut butter and jelly." she held out the brown sandwich bag and nodded happily when Nicky took it from her hands.

Nicky smiled at the gift in her hand, moving her thumbs over the packaging gently. "Thanks, Ma," she said quietly. Raising her head, she raised her eyebrow high in amusement. "You didn't have to do this though," she said sweetly.

"Yes I did," Red said simply, waving away her objections. "You would have starved yourself otherwise," she said knowingly. She pointed to the bag, tapping it with her finger, "Eat that, but if you're still hungry come by when you're dismissed from here and I'll make you something else."

"No special lunch for me?"

Nicky turned to see Luschek coming out of the electrical unit and she and Red both rolled their eyes in annoyance.

"Ah," Luschek whined, immediately feeling the cold shoulder, "Come on! You make Caputo and Healy special snacks all the time, and now you make them for her?" he shook his head in annoyance.

"Go away," Nicky ordered. She shook her head, only hearing his footsteps grow closer. "Thank you for this," she held up the bag.

"No thanks needed, honey," Red smiled. Her lips thinned into a thin line, her brow arching as Litchfield's orangutan wound his arms around her daughter's shoulder. _God,_ she thought, _another Bennett._ She was grateful her girl had her head screwed on… and that she possessed no appetite for the male genitalia. "See me when you're done here," she said shortly, wanting to escape the drunken guard's presence.

"What about me?" Luschek pressed.

"No one cares about you," Nicky shrugged his arm off from around her shoulder. "Get your own wife."

"Wife?" Red questioned confused. She shook her head. "I am not married to either of you." She smiled at the cheeky gleam in Nicky's eyes. "No offense honey, but you're not really my type."

"Hmm," Nicky hummed. "I forget you like them… _spicy._ " She laughed softly to herself and opened her lunch bag. Balling the brown sack in her hand she took a large bite of her sandwich. "Is it because I don't brush my hair?"

"Partly," Red admitted, ignoring her comment. "But also because you don't eat your vegetables," she watched her child grimace and she frowned, "and you complain," she gritted through her teeth. She shook her head, her very point being made as Nicky dramatically stuck her tongue out of her mouth, no doubt shivering at the taste that was tingling on her taste buds.

Nicky smiled guiltily, this time taking a smaller bite of her sandwich. "Fine… point made." she took another bite and forced herself to swallow. "You put too much jelly on this," she complained, observing it closely she resisted the urge to groan. "Grape, Ma?" she questioned the purple sweetness seeping out from her bite impression. She didn't miss the glare she was being gifted and quickly devoured another bite. "I'm a great person," she promised, "so I am going to finish this… But I know you are capable of better."

"Goodbye, Nicky," Red said, tone clipped, though her smile betrayed her.

Nicky watched her figure retreat and offered the last of her sandwich to Luschek. "My heart beats for her."


	11. Weighted Down

I've been watching her since her return. Not even for a moment, have I let her out of my sight.

She's had tears in her eyes for weeks now. I looked at her today and the spark that had once been so present, so vibrant, was gone.

She sleeps all the time. She doesn't take joy in Lorna's company or that of Alex and Piper's. It's a chore to even sit up straight, to interact with her family—to interact with me. When she can stay conscious for more than an hour at a time, she seems to be a million miles away, zoned out and seemingly preoccupied.

It pains me to see her like this. It hurts me to know that she's not okay and there's nothing I can do about it. She will talk to me about it, but not for long. Somedays I can tell it takes all her strength just to speak.

She says she feels like there's a weight sitting on her chest. She's aware of it always because it burns a little. It's an anxious burning that trickles down into her gut and forms a little ball of nervous energy that ricochets around recklessly in her stomach. She feels like she's carrying bags of sand on her shoulders whenever she moves, and for some reason she is constantly choked up.

She can describe these feelings to me in vivid detail because she's been in this place so many times. It's a familiar place, yet, in the same breath, to me, it's almost foreign. She says it's not a place that brings her ease or comfort and that terrifies me.

She won't talk about the thoughts in her head or where her mind wanders during the time she is able to get out of bed. She says those thoughts aren't worth voicing.

But the feelings she has… she does her best to help me understand.

I still worry, but she says my support is the only help I can provide her. I just can't help but feel it's not enough.

But Nicky is resilient. Maybe even more than even I am aware.

She's been here and made it through many times before… before she was able to voice anything to anyone.

She used to silence herself, and her demons. She would sedate herself into a blissful, heroin induced high.

I'm petrified she'll try that again.

I'm petrified I'll lose her again.

"You won't," she promises me. "I don't need it. Not anymore. I've been able to get by without it." Her bottom lip wobbles slightly, "I'm stronger than that."

"Yes, you are I agree," gently stroking my hand over her cheek. "You are, Nicky."

As lost as we both feel now, she grants me the smallest of smiles. A flutter erupts in my heart and the littlest of faith is immediately restored.

No matter how sad and lost she feels, she still holds onto hope that she will eventually find her way out of this and that gives me the strength to continue to fight alongside her.


	12. Kaleidoscope Heart

_A/N: I have a few little RN stories that I'm going to try to post. I know a lot of you have been missing them together._

-12-

"Hey, you okay?"

My head popped up at the sound of Gina's voice. I glanced around quickly to see who she was talking to and my brows knitted together in confusion. It wasn't like Gina to show concern for anyone outside the family, and from the looks of it, it seemed all my girls were accounted for.

Moving around the kitchen to get a better view, I caught sight of the young woman she was fussing over. The girl could barely hold her head up she was so out of it.

"Fine," The girl mumbled, taking the tray from Gina's outstretched hand.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I leaned against the wall and observed the newcomer from a distant. She was donning the standard orange get up that all new inmates were issued, her face obscured by her wild tresses. I couldn't help but cringe at the thought of some animal having made their nest in it.

"Don't even think about."

Craning my head, I smiled as Ms. Claudette made her way over to me, her eyes focused on the young woman I was watching.

"The way you bring in all these girls, you'll end up like the old lady who lived in the shoe."

Chuckling, I returned my attention to the new girl. "Do you know who she is?" I asked.

"No," she shook her head. "A whole lot of them came in last night, I figure she's probably one of them."

"She's so young," I comment, frowning as I watch the young girl poke around at her food. I didn't take offense, not like I normally would. I had been here long enough to see girls like her, the ones who were struggling to cope with the reality around them as they came out of their self-induced high.

"And near death's door." Claudette shakes her head in disappointment and then walks away. She's never been one for the girls with a sob story.

I continue to watch the new girl for some time. She picked at her food a little longer before finally giving up and pushing it to the side. She folds her arms and rests her head upon them. I wince. She was so incredibly skinny; her arms look like twigs.

I approached Gina as she wiped down the counters. She was speaking with Norma in a hushed tone, and I waited patiently as they finished their discussion. Norma looked incredibly displeased with her daughter, and I felt it wasn't a moment I shouldn't interrupt.

Norma happened to glance up and catch my eye, immediately shushing Gina as she did so. She tilted her head slightly and refocused her attention back on the younger woman. She threw her hand up dismissively, communicating with her troublesome girl that they would continue the conversation another time.

I took this as my cue to approach her and smiled proudly at Norma for the way she had handled her. She waited until Gina was out of sight to return the grin.

"Trouble?" I asked curiously.

Norma pointed to her mouth and flicked her hand dramatically.

"I know, we're going to have to work on that," I said as I looked over at the younger woman.

Gina was incredibly mouthy, especially when she wasn't getting her way. I had done my best to corral her into order, but she had never really responded to me. Norma had all but adopted her out of my care, and I was content to let her mother, but sometimes even the best mothers needed the help of their village. Which was why I was approaching her now.

Norma's hand on my shoulder pulled me out of musings and I blinked several times in response. She smiled at me kindly and squeezed my shoulder before bringing her hand down to cover one of mine.

"Young girl came in today," I informed her. "She looks like death rolled over."

Staring at me in the gentle way that was uniquely Norma I felt compelled to further explain.

"I don't know what it is, I didn't even get a good look at her face, but something tells me I need to watch her."

Norma's brows knitted in confusion.

"No, not like that," I reassured her, "I don't think she's a threat, but she looks so lost."

Smiling, Norma shook her head. She was much more amused that Ms. Claudette. Between the pair of them, they made me feel like a young child, who constantly begged their mother to let her keep the stray dog that was wandering in the front yard.

"I want to ask you for a favor," I began. Many saw me as the pack leader of my family, and in most respects that was true, but I saw Norma as my equal. I depended on her to be there when I couldn't be. She was my eyes and ears. "I have to finish up in here, prepare for inventory, can you-"

Norma held up a hand, silencing me.

I smiled gratefully, "Gina knows who she is, she spoke with her earlier."

Norma nodded, holding her hand over her heart. She then squeezed my hand reassuringly.

I nodded and watched as she left. I always had a soft spot for children. My love for them contributed to me having three of my own. Of course, I had gotten lucky, and even though I was serving time in Litchfield, my sons had become incredibly respectable young men. If there was a chance, I could take one of these young girls under my wing, and mother them into turning their life around, I saw no harm in that.

 **Author's Note:** Suggestions for one-shots for Natasha and Kate's upcoming birthday in April would be greatly appreciated. Also, if you have a suggestion for Selenis' birthday in May, that would be cool.


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